Archived Posts » 60,595,333
Wife has had it with how messy I am...
3/17/2012 4:27:23 PM
I am not a horder or anything like that. I actually keep things neater than lots of other people I have seen. I do "pile" some but have organized that over the last few years in Tupperware bins that are stored away. I vacuum "my" area once or twice a month.
We have pets so there can be some pet stains on the carpet that need to be cleaned up. I do that, but not to my wife's standards.
Nothing house wise can be done to my wife's standards...
My wife comes from an OCD mother who vacuumed every day. Sometimes twice a day. Floors wiped down at least once a day. It was crazy. That crazy has rubbed off on my wife. We have been married 23 years. She is better than when first got married, but still thinks this is my problem, not hers. I have offered to hire a maid service to clean the entire house. That won't work for her. She wants to clean the upstairs and I should have the maid clean my office and den and downstairs bathroom.
My Mom and Dad are going to stay at our place next month to cat sit when we are in Florida for 10 days. My wife is starting to lose it over cleaning the house. She does this every time someone is going to stay or even come over to our place. She has a problem, yet everything gets blamed on me.
My wife doesn't work. Hasn't worked in 8 years. She has fibromiansia (sic) pretty bad and spends lots of time in bed. Watching TV. Surfing the net. Ordering stuff from EBay and QVC. Sleeping.
I work 40-100 hours per week. I normally do the laundry except for the stuff she doesn't trust me to wash correctly (no one can do it as well as she can). I run to the grocery store every other day after work to pick up stuff she emails me. I run to the drug store every time she needs a refill. She almost never leaves the house. Ever.
In addition to the fibromialsia, she also has social anxiety issues and obviously OCD and depression issues. She takes a pharmacy load of crap per day.
When we talk about this stuff she says everything is about me. Just the opposite is true.
My sister in laws think I have the patience of Job. That is little consolation.
I don't know if I need advice, counseling or a divorce lawyer...
We have pets so there can be some pet stains on the carpet that need to be cleaned up. I do that, but not to my wife's standards.
Nothing house wise can be done to my wife's standards...
My wife comes from an OCD mother who vacuumed every day. Sometimes twice a day. Floors wiped down at least once a day. It was crazy. That crazy has rubbed off on my wife. We have been married 23 years. She is better than when first got married, but still thinks this is my problem, not hers. I have offered to hire a maid service to clean the entire house. That won't work for her. She wants to clean the upstairs and I should have the maid clean my office and den and downstairs bathroom.
My Mom and Dad are going to stay at our place next month to cat sit when we are in Florida for 10 days. My wife is starting to lose it over cleaning the house. She does this every time someone is going to stay or even come over to our place. She has a problem, yet everything gets blamed on me.
My wife doesn't work. Hasn't worked in 8 years. She has fibromiansia (sic) pretty bad and spends lots of time in bed. Watching TV. Surfing the net. Ordering stuff from EBay and QVC. Sleeping.
I work 40-100 hours per week. I normally do the laundry except for the stuff she doesn't trust me to wash correctly (no one can do it as well as she can). I run to the grocery store every other day after work to pick up stuff she emails me. I run to the drug store every time she needs a refill. She almost never leaves the house. Ever.
In addition to the fibromialsia, she also has social anxiety issues and obviously OCD and depression issues. She takes a pharmacy load of crap per day.
When we talk about this stuff she says everything is about me. Just the opposite is true.
My sister in laws think I have the patience of Job. That is little consolation.
I don't know if I need advice, counseling or a divorce lawyer...
3/17/2012 4:35:15 PM
She does not sound mentally healthy.
And I don't understand why you're working more than 40 hours a week. Are you trying to get away from her?
And I don't understand why you're working more than 40 hours a week. Are you trying to get away from her?
3/17/2012 4:37:40 PM
Originally Posted By JBlitzen:
She does not sound mentally healthy.
And I don't understand why you're working more than 40 hours a week. Are you trying to get away from her?
She does not sound mentally healthy.
And I don't understand why you're working more than 40 hours a week. Are you trying to get away from her?
Salary employee. Work until the work is done.
3/17/2012 4:44:03 PM
No, if you're working an average of 70 hours a week, that's not salary, that's you letting yourself get fucked because you're dumb enough to do two people's jobs on your own.
Salary doesn't mean "work 168 hours a week".
Salary doesn't mean "work 168 hours a week".
3/17/2012 4:45:14 PM
I think you, and you alone, should talk to some kind of psychologist or counselor.
You're letting your wife take advantage of you, and you're letting your employer take advantage of you.
And odds are that, as a result, you're not doing as well by either of those people as you might otherwise be doing. There is no salary person on earth working 100 hour weeks that's doing as good a job as two people working 50 hour weeks would do. And your wife is atrophying to death while you enable her.
You deserve better, and so do they.
You're letting your wife take advantage of you, and you're letting your employer take advantage of you.
And odds are that, as a result, you're not doing as well by either of those people as you might otherwise be doing. There is no salary person on earth working 100 hour weeks that's doing as good a job as two people working 50 hour weeks would do. And your wife is atrophying to death while you enable her.
You deserve better, and so do they.
3/17/2012 5:26:29 PM
Originally Posted By JBlitzen:
I think you, and you alone, should talk to some kind of psychologist or counselor.
You're letting your wife take advantage of you, and you're letting your employer take advantage of you.
And odds are that, as a result, you're not doing as well by either of those people as you might otherwise be doing. There is no salary person on earth working 100 hour weeks that's doing as good a job as two people working 50 hour weeks would do. And your wife is atrophying to death while you enable her.
You deserve better, and so do they.
I think you, and you alone, should talk to some kind of psychologist or counselor.
You're letting your wife take advantage of you, and you're letting your employer take advantage of you.
And odds are that, as a result, you're not doing as well by either of those people as you might otherwise be doing. There is no salary person on earth working 100 hour weeks that's doing as good a job as two people working 50 hour weeks would do. And your wife is atrophying to death while you enable her.
You deserve better, and so do they.
Working as a salaried IT person for a VAR can have odd and long hours. It's just the way the job is. Some weeks are 40 hours. Some are more.
My wife has to want to be engaged in life. I can't make her. Only things I can do is help when I can or walk away.
3/17/2012 5:32:21 PM
If she doesn't work outside the house, she should have plenty of time to make it as clean as she wants it to be.
If you're like me, the more I was nagged, the less I did, I already did far more then she gave me credit for and she realized that after the divorce and she actually apologized to me about it.
If you're like me, the more I was nagged, the less I did, I already did far more then she gave me credit for and she realized that after the divorce and she actually apologized to me about it.
3/17/2012 5:37:47 PM
You are internalizing her mental disorder. You need to accept that you are not the problem - she is.
You have everyone's permission to refuse to put up with this anymore. Put your foot down, or separate.
You have everyone's permission to refuse to put up with this anymore. Put your foot down, or separate.
3/17/2012 5:45:25 PM
Originally Posted By JBlitzen:
No, if you're working an average of 70 hours a week, that's not salary, that's you letting yourself get fucked because you're dumb enough to do two people's jobs on your own.
Salary doesn't mean "work 168 hours a week".
No, if you're working an average of 70 hours a week, that's not salary, that's you letting yourself get fucked because you're dumb enough to do two people's jobs on your own.
Salary doesn't mean "work 168 hours a week".
Unless you work in software, then 60+ is a given. I haven't met an executive yet who grokked the correlation between overtime hours worked and number of bugs.z
3/17/2012 5:50:10 PM
Originally Posted By zoom:
Unless you work in software, then 60+ is a given. I haven't met an executive yet who grokked the correlation between overtime hours worked and number of bugs.z
Originally Posted By JBlitzen:
No, if you're working an average of 70 hours a week, that's not salary, that's you letting yourself get fucked because you're dumb enough to do two people's jobs on your own.
Salary doesn't mean "work 168 hours a week".
No, if you're working an average of 70 hours a week, that's not salary, that's you letting yourself get fucked because you're dumb enough to do two people's jobs on your own.
Salary doesn't mean "work 168 hours a week".
Unless you work in software, then 60+ is a given. I haven't met an executive yet who grokked the correlation between overtime hours worked and number of bugs.z
I'm a custom software developer, but I mainly work for small businesses or departments. I would never live that cubicle-dwelling hell of constant typing that many programmers happily put up with because they "like to code".
3/17/2012 6:55:25 PM
Originally Posted By JBlitzen:
I'm a custom software developer, but I mainly work for small businesses or departments. I would never live that cubicle-dwelling hell of constant typing that many programmers happily put up with because they "like to code".
Originally Posted By zoom:
Unless you work in software, then 60+ is a given. I haven't met an executive yet who grokked the correlation between overtime hours worked and number of bugs.z
Originally Posted By JBlitzen:
No, if you're working an average of 70 hours a week, that's not salary, that's you letting yourself get fucked because you're dumb enough to do two people's jobs on your own.
Salary doesn't mean "work 168 hours a week".
No, if you're working an average of 70 hours a week, that's not salary, that's you letting yourself get fucked because you're dumb enough to do two people's jobs on your own.
Salary doesn't mean "work 168 hours a week".
Unless you work in software, then 60+ is a given. I haven't met an executive yet who grokked the correlation between overtime hours worked and number of bugs.z
I'm a custom software developer, but I mainly work for small businesses or departments. I would never live that cubicle-dwelling hell of constant typing that many programmers happily put up with because they "like to code".
I'm not a programmer. I can and do, but that's not what I do. You write software. You work an 8 to 5 job. The majority of IT is not 8 to 5.
Also, I bill out my time at $150+ per hour to my customers.
3/18/2012 1:48:54 AM
Over the years I have learned to smile when I see trails of socks going down my hallway or pants lying on the floor immediately next to the hamper.
Your wife sounds like she is in need of some help. Her habit is compulsive, and she needs help controlling it.
Your wife sounds like she is in need of some help. Her habit is compulsive, and she needs help controlling it.
3/27/2012 8:25:48 AM
Your wife has HAD IT with how messy you are? Really? What's she gonna do? Leave?
She can clean like a freak but can't work?
She can bitch at you but not talk to other humanoids?
You work 100hrs a week?
Sounds like you allow people to treat you like crap.
She can clean like a freak but can't work?
She can bitch at you but not talk to other humanoids?
You work 100hrs a week?
Sounds like you allow people to treat you like crap.
4/3/2012 3:31:37 PM
Originally Posted By XCRmonger:
Over the years I have learned to smile when I see trails of socks going down my hallway or pants lying on the floor immediately next to the hamper.
Your wife sounds like she is in need of some help. Her habit is compulsive, and she needs help controlling it.
Over the years I have learned to smile when I see trails of socks going down my hallway or pants lying on the floor immediately next to the hamper.
Your wife sounds like she is in need of some help. Her habit is compulsive, and she needs help controlling it.
you might see about a weekly support group for her fibo....whatever, she sounds depressed, you also sound like a workaholic.
4/3/2012 3:40:21 PM
You both need counseling, she may need her meds checked.
But I think you already knew that...
Godd luck man.
But I think you already knew that...
Godd luck man.
4/14/2012 11:03:02 AM
Fibro sounds like crap to be stoned all the time. Lots of old people suddenly have it, but I call them heroin addicts. I'm sure it can be "painful" coming off meds but it's all in the head. Her's is full of snakes.
